On weather...

An arab pulls aside the curtain and looks out on a beautiful and sunny morning. Sun! she exclaims to herself and thinks it means warm enough to wear her woolstockings. When she finally finds herself outside she remembers that sun during a winterday in Sweden can only be a bad sign of immense cold.

Absolutely determined to stick to her CBT a la homemade and stay as happy and excuberant as can be she keeps on biking - despite the ache and resistance in her legs from the cold and sequelae of last days afro-dance session. Once again she thinks to herself: How wonderful and beautiful the world is. 2 minutes later she is on the ground, horizontal positon, 180 degrees rotation in her vertebral column on a crossing, a car circa 2 dm away and with the bag - heavy of books smashed to her face along with a bike which is totally in a place it shouldn't be. She keeps lying there for a minute thinking: I died with only ten months to go till my graduation. *sigh*

On freedom of faith

The shawarma-maker was prob a friend of someone who was a relative of someone who knew someone who knew someone who knew someone who was originally from Pakistan. And we all know that there are terrorists in pakistan. BAN THE SHAWARMA! (Can we please keep the kebab though?)

This was found on the following website: http://www.loonwatch.com/2009/12/ban-on-cemeteries/

On faith

It's been some time since last time I wrote an entry on this blog. But on friday evening I met some nice people who inspired me to continue again and who reminded me that I have so much to say to the world.

During these last few weeks of my life I have been going through a crucial phase of which I hope to find myself and my place at last. It's about faith.

As you all know by now i'm a Muslim. I've been a believer to some extent, but i'm definitely what you call a secular believer or Muslim. During my whole life there has been a struggle within me to which i have totally surrendered sometimes or tried to totally ignore sometimes. And all the time i have felt unease about the situation. It's been a constant fight within me about the two extremes: to believe or not to believe. Faith was either black or white. Either you believe and follow strictly every single word of whatever you choose to believe in or you just don't. I've always been told that you cannot believe in somethings of a faith and not other things of the same faith.

Usually I've chosen the I believe in Allah and the prophet (pbuh) - and the rest I cant really help. But lately I've made up my mind. Cause that did not work for me either. Because in times of hardship or joy I always turned to God. So obviously there was something more inside my lost soul. So I have been thinking. Why cant I just accept my faith the way it is expressed in me? Why do I insist on forcing beliefs and feelings upon myself?

So I have stopped and learnt to accept the way I am. I believe in Allah and I believe in the holy Quran. I live my life the way I see is best for me and a constant prayer on my lips is "Allah guide me to what benefits me and makes me good, and guide me away from what harms me and makes me a bad human being."

For what is Islam about? Islam is the religion of well manners and coexistence. It's about being a good human being, doing good and in the process giving yourself with heart and soul to God. And I try my best to be a good person and i try my best to be good. And God himself admits to the human weakness. I can't be perfect, but with the help of God i will be good.

This insight has given me the best spiritual experience ever, that of being at ease and feeling joy. I'm closer to God now, in my own special earthly way. But at least I pray for his acceptance. I bring him along, with every step i take on this journey till my body says " enough". And for the first time ever in my life I felt what you are supposed to feel when praying. The complete surrender and ease of soul that is the purpose of prayers. For the first time I smiled and didn't wanna rush through it.

And now I realize that who are people to judge me for how I choose to believe? And who are people to think they are better believers because they do what they do? When Allah himself was so content with me he gave me this marvelous experience of letting me closer to him in my prayers! So, all I have learnt is that no matter faith, the only thing you need is good intentions and you will be guided in life to become better, be it the "correct" way or any other way.

On worldeconomy and poverty...

I had this lively discussion about poverty and childlabour with A. With all respect to her feelings and opinions, but I can't help being amazed about such opinions. Not only expressed by her but by so many other white, middle class men and women of the western world.

As the world looks today I can't accept forbiding child-labour. It's a very selfish and naive view to think that we should prohibit poor, starving kids from working because they cannot have the standard of living of our kids. Mostly, many are critical of the working conditions of these poor kids. But I can't see how starving, homeless kids would have it any better on the streets. Okay, they work 12, 14 (and sometimes more hours) a day. But if they don't, would you pay for their antibiotics or food or clothes for their younger siblings? What are you afraid they will miss? Soccer practice?

I believe in free trade and I believe in that free trade and education is the answer to solving poverty. If you still wanna buy your Nike-sneakers, and at the same time are not willing to engage or even as a consumer by your free choice do something about these working conditions of children - then don't stand in the way of the development of these children and their countries. Don't let your bad conscience and guilt be an obstacle in their gaining of power, better life quality and eventually development.

I believe that when a kid today works he will gain experience and enough financial resources to be able to put his future kid through elementary school. This new generation will then have enough qualifications to have a better job and a slightly higher salary to be able to on one hand provide for next generations education up to maybe secondary highschool. But also, on the other hand provide for the elderly who gave him/her this chance. And the new generation might have a better chance at providing for their children to continue through higher education and then you have created a country that will develop and be independent of outer financial aid.
These educated generations will now know their rights, how the world looks like, demand for themselves better working conditions, better social security, will create and bring new technology to their countries and be able to allow investment on their conditions and so on.
Look at countries like India, China etc. They are now countries that play with the same conditions as any other developed countries in the world market. And they did it all by themselves all thanks to foreign investments in their countries and their willingness to allow and engage in free trade.

So, let the children work and instead of ruining their chances continue buying your Nike-sneakers and let them have a chance at buying the same one day. If you are not goin to engage in their struggle let them struggle alone, with a fair chance at actually getting somewhere.

Testing, testing

So, this blog is goin international. Or just english, due to requests from several places in the world. Now, it was a while ago I did IB, so my english is not the best in the world. Therefore! Any mistakes you find here you can blame on... Google Translate. :P

Sooooooo, mmmmmmm... First week of psychiatry-training is over. THANK YOU, LORD IN HEAVEN! These weeks have been painful! I could be politically correct or empathetic or whatever and go like: "Pooooor old, autistic, depressed, suicidal people. I really care about what you feel and want you to TALK to me. Let me help you."
But I should be honest with you - I FRANKLY JUST DON'T CARE! Do you have anything that needs to be sliced away? A tumour perhaps?
Everybody have emotions. :O And worst of all is they need to talk. I hate talking about emotions (if I'm not high on eostrogen that is, which doesn't happen that often). Here's a scenario of how misplaced I am at psych:

Patient comes in and all parts are seated. Quite for seconds, then psychiatrist asks how the patient feelsThe patient either bursts out in tears or shrug their shoulders (Now really? You came all the way here so you could shrug your shoulders?) By the shrugging I loose control and my eyelids start lifting weights. To be clear on this, if i am not taking part in any activity requiring energy and oxygen I am lowered in state of conciousness to a sleeping state. Me bye bye. Gutten nacht, auf wiedersen, aurevoir, bon soir... just gone with the wind.

And the problem is that the more I try to overcome this problem, by really focusing on what's said, the sleepier I get! So every session ends with me nodding of fatigue to the extent I almost snore. And every ****ing time my supervisors see me. Luckily, they have still not mentioned it.

Positive: My supervisor who is very cool, the selfnamed surgeon of psych and the pali dude who works there! yay!

Aaaaaaaah. There are few things in life I really enjoy. Coffee, food, shopping, men AND sleeeeeeeeep! Ah! Sleep is so good I wanna kiss it, bite it, eat it, play with it and hug it... and kiss it again. It's so good I could marry it. And let it have an open relationship with me. As long as it comes back to me every night. I'd buy sleep gifts and shower it in compliments. And scream I love it from the roof of a Flogsta high-buildning.



Not that I am tryin to make any associations between me and Sleeping Beauty:P